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Hey! Do you follow me? Cause you should totally follow me. Like seriously, please follow me. Think of all the funny videos you can send your friends. Think of all the cool street cred you'll have from following me before my career really took off. You can show your kids my future specials, and give them the whole, "I knew them before they were famous" speech. So like, go ahead and follow me on all the platforms.

Are you still reading this? That's dedication, man. Even I got bored halfway through writing this, but I really only started this because I'm procrastinating filing my taxes.

Also, I'm not yelling at you to follow me. This stupid website only had a setting for all caps or all lowercase, and I can't use all lowercase because I'm not actually Gen Z enough for that. Either way, you made it this far so you should definitely follow me now, unless you work for the IRS, in that case, you're probably too annoyed at how long I waited to do my taxes to even consider following me. Oh, and if you actually read all of this, use promo code: "READER" (all caps, no quotations) for free shipping on merch. See Shopify? I wouldn't need the parenthesis to clarify that the code is just the word READER in all caps if your settings weren't so stupid. Okay thanks, bye!

Are you still reading this? That's dedication, man. Even I got bored halfway through writing this, but I really only started this because I'm procrastinating filing my taxes.

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